Tribal ways in New Caledonia

Photo JH

Photo JH

The day was a rainy one, the rainiest we’d experienced since our arrival 9 months before. Spirits were dampened and the walk was wet. We’d end up spending 7 hours in the tribe that day, at Oua Tom. And hours, days, weeks, months digesting what we had learned.

I looked at my husband at one point and said, “The title of the blog has to be ‘I hope you never do anything I don’t like. If you do, I’ll have to kill you.’

But the draft title is too long and says too little about the content of this post, so I couldn’t use it. But keep that quote in your mind, for it is indeed a direct quote. Our guide’s father had said it to him, in all seriousness, when he was a young boy.

About 75 minutes outside Nouméa, up near La Foa, we visited the Oua Tom tribe last weekend.

We were in a relatively large group and were able to choose from a few activities within the tribal grounds that day. Some dared an “easy” walk with a guide, up a mountain, that was to last 3 hours. It lasted 4 hours, was rather dangerous, and was not a marked path (imagine your guide clearing the way with a machete up a wet mountain in the driving rain, dealing with mud slides: you get the picture). Others stayed behind to learn basket weaving and take a tour of the huts (“cases”) and tribal lands. We opted for the second set of activities, which was followed by a traditional lunch of “bougna“.

Our first lesson came when our group commenced “la coutume”. La coutume is an introduction and the offering of a small gift, as an act of respect. It is also the time when you should express gratitude and ask permission to see or visit the tribal lands. Protocol is such that you should not hand your gift to the chief or tribe member, when carrying out la coutume. You should place the gift on the ground in front of the person. This then allows the person to accept your gift or not. If you hand it to him or her, you are obliging him/her to accept it, which is very badly viewed and will most likely get you off on the wrong foot.

Our second lesson came as we were walking through the tribal lands with our guide. He explained that at a very young age (around 5 or 6), the tribe teaches their children that white people are the enemy, that they are bad, that they are evil. They explain that it is the white man who stole their land, killed their men and took their women. As the guide pointed to our son, a blonde child, he explained that little boys like this are despised, from an early age. And that their sons, our son’s age, were the ones doing the despising.

At this point I had to ask myself why our guide was telling us this, and with what seemed like pride. Was it to inform us, somehow, of the way things are? Was it to somehow warn us? Why were we welcome here on this visit? Or were we?

Photo JH

Photo JH

Our third lesson was in tribal law, as it existed before French law came into place. You see the tree branch planted in the ground above? You’ll find one in front of most tribal huts. This is where “justice” is done. Thieves, rapists, murderers used to be tied here. In the case of rapists and thieves, they would be beaten with whips of fire by a wide circle of tribal members. Thieves also had their hands chopped off. Murderers, their heads. Today, they no longer carry out these punishments (because French law forbids this).

But our guide explained that the elders have lost control of the youth, that the youth no longer respect elder/tribe or chief authority. He explained that they have learned that if they go to the police, they can say they were crazy or disturbed when they committed the given crime. Then they’ll be sent to prison, and will be housed and fed, and that’s much easier than what would happen to them in the tribe (note the Nouméa gunman earlier this week wanted to go to prison to escape the pressure of his family to find a stable job).

He despaired of what is happening, that with the loss of control, things have gotten far more dangerous in New Caledonia. He explained that at night, the police no longer circulate outside Nouméa. When the sun sets, the police close up shop. He said that if you run out of gas on the roads, you can call the police, but they won’t come get you. They’ll tell you to get in your car, lock it, roll up the windows and not get out (and not let anyone in). They’ll come get you in the morning.

Keep in mind that this was a Melanesian, an Oua Tom tribal member (whose brother is the chief) telling us this. He said that when the police want to enter tribal lands, they call ahead, from the entrance, but they will not come at night. At times, the tribe will allow the police to enter the lands, but will not give up a guilty party. They are invited to “try and find him”.

He also explained that sometimes it’s not hard to find someone – you just have to know the ways of the tribe. He demonstrated the messages they leave for each other on leaves. They scratch a place and time onto a leaf for others to find. All you have to do is look at the leaves …

Photo JH

Photo JH

Our fourth lesson was about their tribal meetings. These meetings last from 12 to 16 hours, without food or drink. The chief and the elders discuss problems in or across tribes and talk until they come to a solution. You are not allowed to have a voice (thus, attend the meetings and speak) if:

  • You are a woman.
  • You are drunk.
  • You are stoned.
  • You are not married.
  • You are unfaithful.

He assured us, however, that sometimes, some of them drink. And that then the meetings went on for an eternity, the minute an inebriated elder got the floor.

The way out of a meeting is to fight first, he explained. In their culture, he explained, one should always fight before one discusses. I suppose to shorten the meeting time? (As a Western woman, I have to admit, this felt a bit odd – why not just shorten the meetings? Agree to a few options to try for a week’s time and reconvene for a 45-minute walking meeting a week later? But clearly, I must be missing the point. Fighting is more fun?)

Fighting happens, as it turns out, not between chiefs (who do the talking), but other members of the tribe, usually the ones who own or occupy the land (rather than govern it). And when the meetings happen, the chief sits not in a place at the head, but among the other members. This is to prevent an assassin from knowing which one is the chief should he enter the hut during a meeting with the intent to kill.

And back to the quote we started this all off with. ‘I hope you never do anything I don’t like. If you do, I’ll have to kill you.’ Such were the words that our guide’s father spoke to him when he was young, one son among ten. Such was the law the tribe practiced and such was the warning a father issued his son, as the young man grew into manhood.

All very encouraging, no?

It is entirely possible that what we learned that day is erroneous or mistaken. I did ask questions and tried to clarify things as so much of this was surprising, and I discussed what we learned with other people there that day – to try to validate that I had heard correctly.

One clearly came away thinking that the tribe wishes it could return to its old ways, that it could punish and control its youth, that it could resolve things like it used to. They blame us for what we’ve done, taken their land, stolen their livelihood, spoiled their young, tempted their young into crime and utter disrespect. I wish they didn’t look upon us all as if we were evil, the ones to blame. For many of us are not, many of us share their concerns and sense of unfair treatment.

How in the world are we going to work towards a common destiny, as they say, if the young are told that white or black or brown or yellow, man, woman or child are to blame for what has happened? The gunman this week knew that if he “injured a white”, he’d be sent to prison, and thus set out to hurt someone based on skin colour.  Surely this cannot be the way up and out for the future of our youth, for the future of New Caledonia.

Photo JH

Photo JH

Youth shoots and wounds 2, traumatising 40 in central Nouméa

Photo Thierry Perron

Photo Thierry Perron

At 10.50 this morning, a 19-year-old started firing a sawed-off 12-gauge shotgun into the street in central Nouméa (first in front of the Chamber of Commerce [CCI], on rue Verdun and then in front of the Marine Corail store on rue du Général Mangin). He shot and  wounded a man and a woman and shattered glass wounded a third. Ten Chamber of Commerce employees were admitted by emergency services for psychological stress and another 30 witnesses were traumatised. The gun was apparently stolen and no alcohol or marijuana appears to have been involved.

The shooter was tackled by a citizen (and wounded by gunshot) and chased by others when he fled the scene, reportedly silent and scared. Ten minutes later the police showed up to block his getaway toward the bay we live just above.

The suspect had not gone far and put down his gun when he saw the police.

Meanwhile firemen tended to the victims as the ambulances did not appear for quite some time.

Right now, we don’t know the shooter’s motivations, though he is considered psychologically fragile and there is mention of family problems. With no previous convictions, he is in custody on charges of attempted homicide.

Such was the horror and shock Noumeá encountered this morning. Which made me think of the importation of arms here in New Caledonia (among other things).

Did you know (and this is not to frighten, but to inform you) that New Caledonia’s civilian small arms and ammunition importation has risen 559% since 1992?  By comparison, civilian ammo and small arms importation has risen by 107% in Australia and 287% in the United States over the same period. This coincides with more lenient purchasing legislation in New Caledonia. The gun used today was a gun used for hunting (wild boar), which is the type of  gun largely being imported here.

Tomorrow we’ll learn more about today’s shooting, its details, what the young man was thinking. I wonder if we’ll hear anything about stricter gun legislation. Something tells me we won’t. But Nouméa is shaken. Shaken enough to put two and two together? Troubled youth, unemployed youth, easy access to a wealth of guns …

Learn how to windsurf as young as 7 in Nouméa

Photo JH

Photo JH

New Caledonia has been on school holidays for the last 2 weeks. Schoolchildren are on a schedule of 7 weeks in school, 2 weeks off, a new schedule this year. I’m predicting challenges for teachers and students alike with such long breaks every 7 weeks (increased pressure to get through the curriculum in a shorter period of time, as the primary problem I’m seeing), but I have enjoyed having our son home – and occupying him with sports, reading, piano lessons and all around fun.

Children in Nouméa have a number of options during school holidays, from water sports to art activities to circus school to week-long camps at the local zoo. We’re spoiled for choice!

This holiday, we signed Pablo up for a week of windsurfing the first week, and boy was it fun! From 8.30 to 11.30 Monday through Friday, Pablo was with 11 other children his age and older. He was by far the youngest (having just turned the required 7 years old the day before) and the smallest, but the instructors assured me that he would be fine.

Photo JH

Photo JH

They spent the first morning learning how to put the boards and sails together, what the general safety precautions were, and how to basically get up on the board and windsurf. How fun is that? (Pablo tells us that his father’s recent foray into windsurfing was neither well-organised nor well-instructed, as he didn’t need to put his board together, wasn’t really told how to get on the board, etc.)

They spent the next 3 days practicing what they learned on the first day, falling less and less, advancing further and further into the lagoon.

On the 5th day, they sailed out to an island 900 metres away. The oldest (preteens and teens) kids did great – and got out to the island, despite the windier day (you would think wind is a good thing – and it is when you are experienced, challenging when you are not). Anyone who knows Nouméa knows that wind on Anse Vata can be really something! The younger kids windsurfed as much as they could, and then were picked up or ferried along by a small boat (by a seasick [and vomiting] instructor!). They all had a celebratory snack on the island together and many windsurfed back.

We were very pleased with the week and plan on doing another week in October.

Windsurfing is challenging for little ones (because a certain amount of weight is required, to balance the board, and muscles are necessary to lift the sail out of the water every time it falls over), but they are also advantaged. They are not afraid of falling in the water (“That’s the funnest part!” claimed our little guy), they can get back up on the boards quite quickly and they are naturally fearless, flexible and energetic.

While out on the Wednesday, 2 students saw sea turtles and weeks before we had a couple of dolphins in the lagoon. Imagine what it feels like to windsurf with some of nature’s most beautiful animals. At 7. Or 47!

Photo JH

Photo JH

With regard to the company we went with, they are Aloha Windsurfing. Though there was only 1 instructor for the 12 students (I would increase this, to make it easier to give individual instruction to the varying levels), everyone did great. Security was number one – the children wore life jackets all morning and water shoes as of the second day (after a couple of people had stepped on urchins and bees). They taught and encouraged the children to prepare, clean and put away the boards and sails and it was great to see everyone working as a team, with the older ones helping out the younger ones. The instructor was kind, encouraging and warm as well as competent and professional.

So if you’re looking for windsurfing lessons for children 7 or over in Nouméa, head on down to the orange trucks on Anse Vata. We’ll be there again once it warms up in October!

Photo JH

Photo JH

A (free) lunch with a view in Nouméa

Photo JH

Photo JH

Earlier this week, my son and I dined on a 3-course meal, complete with a cocktail, wine and coffee (okay, I had the cocktail, wine and coffee, while my son reorganised his Pokemon cards). The rooftop restaurant looked out onto the lagoon and my fellow diners were as quiet and as sophisticated as any self-respecting introvert would hope for. Participating in a real-world training exercise for the waiting staff, we enjoyed such atmosphere and fare for the price of “gratuit” (free). The only condition was that we spoke English.

English!

What in the world am I talking about, you ask? Well, I was as surprised as you may be to learn about a programme at a “pedagogical” restaurant, one of the professional training programmes in New Caledonia. This particular institution trains hotel and restaurant staff to become professional waiters and waitresses and young adults to become chefs and cooks. Every few weeks, the staff are put in real-life situations where they must prepare and serve 3-course meals to living and breathing English-speaking clients, as part of their programme. This exercise has been going on for the last 5 or so years (it made me wonder if they do this in Paris – if they aren’t, they should!).

Sounds a bit like interns and starter beauticians, right?

Even better. The only thing we were told before arriving was that we should speak English (this week they had to serve in English, next week they’ll have to serve in Japanese), that our waiters and waitresses would have to welcome us, present the menus and take our orders in English. And that it would take, all toll, about an hour.

We didn’t expect near the quality of the food, nor the ambiance that we received on the day. I took my 7-year-old son along as practice (seven is a great age for learning about eating “outside in”, when to place our cutlery in the centre of our plates, how to hold a wine glass) in a safe environment. Everyone would be “learning”. And indeed the staff was obliged to speak English the whole time, to attend to our every question and concern, to always serve on the right, to sweep away the bread crumbs before dessert, and so on. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought us in a starred restaurant. The greatest attention was made to each detail (as the director said more than once, “They’re not in a brasserie! Standards, people!”)

Photo JH

Photo JH

The food was excellent, I must say – with a starter of a raw tuna and cucumber salad (almost like a fish tartare) , followed by orange-roasted pork, potatoes and ratatouille, and a choice of desserts of one or more (puffed pastries, cherry tarte, fruit custard). I was offered a “Blue Lagoon” cocktail, wine and coffee (and a second coffee was offered on my way out).

All in all, it took 2 hours, as we were not rushed. I felt for the waitresses who, in some cases, were learning to serve wine and slice dessert pies for the first time in front of clients. They had their speaking notes tucked in their hands and at times, smiled and went to their English teacher for confirmation that they had understood my latest question. I kept being called “Missus”, which was a bit of a shock (had I been teleported to the Southern United States all of a sudden?), but as our waiting staff were Melanesians, and I know them to be timid and reserved, I did all I could to encourage them (rather than correct them, which seemed to be the incessant job of their director).

I was so happy to participate in this training event and hope to do so again. I was told that they’ll be opening the doors again in June and will be looking for 4 couples of 2 for a lunchtime service. I would definitely recommend going along – you’ll be doing them a great service and will spend an excellent 1-2 hours. If you would like to participate in June or another time (for those of you who know Nouméa, the restaurant is located above La Coupole), drop me a line in the comments below or by email, and I’ll put you in touch with the organiser.

We might just see you there one day!

Photo JH

Photo JH

 

150 contract dengue fever a day in New Caledonia

Dengue epidemic brochureSome 150 people contract dengue fever a day in New Caledonia at this time of year. So far the current dengue fever epidemic has seen 2 deaths (one of whom was 36 years old). We are constantly informed by billboards and newspaper articles that we need to empty gutters, pots and tires that may have water in them, that we need to wear insect repellent and that if we come down with dengue fever, we should consult a doctor. For dengue fever is spread by mosquitoes, and the local community needs to spray the area to get rid of the dastardly dengue-carrying insects.

The symptoms include body and joint pain (which can be so severe that the disease is nicknamed “breakbone fever”), headaches and high fever. As it is asymptomatic, you may not exhibit symptoms at all – and never knew you had it. Sudden fatigue, pain behind the eyes and vomiting can also consume you – along with a skin rash. Or nothing at all. The only way to know you have dengue fever is to take a blood test.

Back in December I felt very, very sick, but I didn’t want to bother a doctor with my symptoms as I only had a low-grade fever (and fatigue and muscle pain). About 10 days later our son was suddenly also sick – only much sicker (with a very high fever, non-stop vomiting, diarrhea and a skin rash). The doctor was unable to figure out what it was, but did not prescribe a blood test. Looking back, I probably should have requested one.

To this day, we choose to think we had had bizarre bugs and not dengue fever.

It turns out that catching 1 of the 4 forms of dengue fever generally immunizes the individual for life against the form he/she contracted, but the individual only has short-term immunity to the other forms. Subsequent infection with a different type increases the risk of severe complications.

Therein lies the importance of knowing whether or not you have contracted dengue fever. We have friends who developed eye complications from dengue fever – and temporarily lost their vision – a mother and son. The mother was unable to see very much at all for approximately 6 weeks and was homebound (with 4 children to tend to, get to school, etc.). When she started to recover her vision, her son came down with the virus and the same loss of vision. I’ve heard that of the 8 cases of this nature during the last epidemic, 7 recovered their vision and 1 did not.

Is dengue fever serious in New Caledonia? This year, it is. We’ve had the second worst epidemic the country has known since 1995 and there is a chance it will become the country’s worst. As of last Monday (1 April), we’d had 6,378 cases since September.

Dengue cases Noumea

As you can see from the map, it is worse in urban areas. High-case areas include Robinson, Saint Michel, Koutio, Riviere Salé, Pot de Fer, Magenta, Vallée des Colons and Katiramona.

Aedes_aegyptiThe dengue-carrying mosquito, the Aedes aegypti (also known as the yellow fever mosquito) is attracted to homes in cities – and is known to infect entire families. You can recognize it by white markings on its legs and a marking in the form of a lyre on its thorax.   Flying soundlessly, it tends to sting its victims during the day, and principally around sunset.

We were pleased to find a very helpful brochure on dengue fever at the doctor’s office last week which fully explained how to recognise dengue fever, how to prevent it and what to do. If there are no complications, you are sent home and told to rest (once you’ve been diagnosed with a blood test). You are given an acetaminophen (Doliprane), and are told to just wait until it goes away (between 5 and 7 days). But complications (such as  dengue hemorrhagic fever) can lead to death. The death rate is usually below 1% if patients get treated quickly, but can rise to 10% if not. So it’s not something to take lightly.

Is New Caledonia doing anything else about the epidemic? Two scientists are currently testing a new molecule (pyriproxyfen) that might block the development of the mosquito’s larvae.  But their work is preliminary and will most certainly take time. Other labs have been investigating developing vaccines. A clinical trial on 4,000 children in Thailand showed only 30.2% success, as reported in September 2012. Another trial was announced in November 2012, to be carried out on 120 adults and children in India.

Meanwhile in the United States, hundreds of thousands of genetically modified mosquitoes were released into the Florida Keys in an experiment to fight dengue fever in December 2012.  It is thought that the genetically modified non-biting male mosquitoes  would pass along a birth defect killing their progeny before reaching maturity and that after a few generations the Aedes aegypti population would die off. But this is a trial and it may take years for the US Federal Drug Administration to approve it for wider use.

So until we have a larvae-blocking molecule, a vaccine or another solution, New Caledonia will have to remain vigilant. Residents will need to continue to make sure there is no standing water around or in their homes, tourists and residents will need to continue to use insect repellent. And everyone should consult a doctor if symptoms present themselves …

New Caledonia to become the second greatest source of CO2 emissions per capita

SLN_ENERCAL 3With the decision on 6 December 2012 to opt to install a coal power plant to power our Noumea nickel mine (Société Le Nickel [SLN]), I was stunned by the silence. Very few in the city or the country seemed to react to what this decision would mean. This week, however, we’ve seen headlines in reputable papers like Le Monde which read, “La Nouvelle-Calédonie rejettera en 2015 autant de CO2 qu’un pays du Golfe” (New Caledonia to emit as much CO2 in 2015 as a Gulf country). Other articles put New Caledonia behind Qatar for the highest CO2 emissions per capita. The news is spreading.

Last week a Belgian petition against the plant circulated on line and has so far amassed only 766 signatures. Another one, or perhaps the same one (as it seems to me), is available here. It is purported to have amassed 1,100 signatures (this may include physical signatures).

“In the coming years, New Caledonia will increase its CO2 emissions 36.8 tonnes per capita per year, an increase of over 165% in less than ten years “, warn environmental organization Conservation International and the World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF) in a letter addressed to the president of the New Caledonian government.

Apparently, New Caledonia is absent from the Kyoto Protocol: France did not include in its calculations of CO2 . But our case is all the more sensitive, as New Caledonia is located in one of the regions most vulnerable to climate change. As a continent made up of islands and atolls, Oceania suffers the brunt of rising sea levels. Global warming worsens climatic phenomena in the region and impacts the health of our human populations, fisheries and food crops.

Yet, the local population remains silent (refer to my theory of life in a time warp).

The mayor of Nouméa, who has refused to comment since December on the coal project stated yesterday that he would state his position following the presentation by the SLN Municipal Council. A meeting is to be fixed quickly.

Meanwhile, the president of Ensemble Pour La Planete (EPLP, a non-profit parent environmental association), Martine Cornaille, wrote the French president in December, and has now sent a second letter to François Hollande asking him to press the SLN to study the solution of a solar thermodynamic plant. She’s now also sent a third letter, asking the French president to include New Caledonia in the scope for the Kyoto 2 protocol, to commit New Caledonia to reducing CO2 emissions and forcing the SLN to draw a line on the plant.

SLN_ERAMET_05And yet, the SLN continues on its way. Pierre Alla, the Chair of the SLN Board of Directors, has said that the machine has started. Nothing will get in the way of his “coal plan” (which, by the way was voted in as a the best economic alternative to fixing/replacing one of the failing plants with a gas plant).

Martine Cornaille, the EPLP president, remains optimistic. She has said that they (EPLP) will hold further discussions, and this, at the request of residents of Paita and Dumbéa. “Citizen mobilization has already sunk projects, such as hotels at the Baie des Citrons or  Casy Island. We can still turn the tide.”

Yet, when I looked into the participation at one of the recent events organised by EPLP, only 70-some people showed up. If we’re looking for citizen mobilisation, we have a distance to go. (Yet on the other hand, hundreds demonstrated this weekend against gay marriage; says a lot about our priorities, doesn’t it?).

What boggles this particular mind is all the money that is being lost on the nickel mine in Noumea. According to an article on 25 February,  Eramet, the parent of the SLN recorded a net profit of 8 million euros, a decrease of 96% compared to 2011, an operating profit of $144 million (-74%), and a turnover of 3.447 billion (-4.3%). ”A very difficult economic environment” has affected the balance sheet, senior officials say.

And so we want to build a coal plant to make things better? Really? Is that all we’ve got?

With any luck (and a lot of work), the coal plant will not be built in 2016-17. That’s a long way off, and as one Caledonian recently said (about the independence vote), “a lot can happen between now and then.” Having been here 8 months, though, I’m not confident it will be stopped. I just see those in power powering their way through and a population held hostage (by a high cost of living). People are voting with their pockets, living in the present. “Don’t worry, be happy” gone just a little too far.

When you ask the people who work at the mine how they feel about all this, their response is, “We are glad that our children have jobs.” Their jobs are all they have. I wonder what they’ll have when they don’t have their health, when their fisheries and crops suffer, when the sea level rises. What will their kids have then? Jobs?

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For those of you who want to know more about this decision, and how we came to it, see La SLN vers le charbon and Charbon au gout amer. If you cannot access the links, let me know in the comments and I’ll send them to you.

If you feel strongly about this, I encourage you to sign the petition, no matter where you are in the world. And if you are here,  to get involved. This is too important to just let happen.

Roaches, roaches everywhere, and not a drop to drink

Photo JH

Photo JH

I have a confession to make. One of my most absolute favourite things in life is coffee. Peet’s coffee.

I love it so much that I pay a fortune no matter where I am in the world to receive it. I did so years ago in New Caledonia, I did it in Paris, and now I am doing it again. I pay far more than I should in shipping ($40 for 2 pounds of coffee, which at the discounted price is only $10), and  importation taxes (approximately 30% of the total order, including shipping, so another $15). Which basically works out to $65 for 2 pounds of coffee that last me 5-6 weeks. Not that you’re interested, but each cup of Peet’s coffee, when brewed at home here in New Caledonia costs me about US$1.94 (CFP 179 or €1.50). Not too bad, really, when you do the math.

Don’t get me wrong. New Caledonia has coffee. They grow and produce coffee here, no problem. And they even fly some in from France and other places. So when my order occasionally runs out ahead of time (or an order gets stuck at the post office, as is currently the case), I can get coffee. I can. I pay about $10.82 (CFP 1,000 or €8.38) for about half a pound of coffee, and it’s done.

But I love really good coffee. I love Peet’s best of all.

It doesn’t stop there. When I have really good coffee, I can’t just drink it out of any old machine.  Before we came to New Caledonia, we purchased a new Krups espresso/drip machine. And brought all the filters and the decalcification powder with us. We might not have packed enough cleaning products, but I had our filters! Thus, a brief peek into one of my little passions, er obsessions.

Now imagine my joy, my thrill, my absolute rapture one morning last week. I brewed a fresh pot of coffee, and pouring the coffee into a clean cup, noticed, upon pouring in a little milk that, horror of horrors, 2 little – and 1 bigger – brown things were floating to the top. You’ve seen the picture. The one at the top of this post. Yes, that one.

Roaches.

Three of them. In my coffee, my Peet’s coffee, my perfectly brewed coffee, my $1.94 cup of home-brewed coffee. Yes, that coffee.

I promptly poured the coffee down the drain and went off coffee for a day. A day. This is a person who loves good coffee like others love good wine. You may not be traumatised by roaches in your coffee, but my shock, denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance of my lot over the next 24 hours told me something about my reaction to roaches in my beloved.

The next day, I cleaned the coffee machine out from top to bottom. I changed the filter and decalcified the machine. I ran loads and loads of clean, fresh water through it. I squashed every roach that emerged or scattered across the counter top. (I normally do not kill roaches – which might be my problem – but that day, I showed no mercy.)

We’d had the people come in a few months ago to spray the apartment for roaches and ants and all things creepy crawly. Some of you may recall that I was pretty upset about the situation early on. The landlord, happily, did something about it.

But then about a month ago, while turning down our sheets to ready for bed (and please let me reassure you, we live in a very clean, modern apartment), what do I find, but … another roach. Ah, life in New Caledonia.

But they’re small, you say. It’s hot there. Roaches are part of South Pacific living.

Yes, I say, they’re small. The big ones are down in the parking garage. But these are the little ones that you find in restaurants. These are the ones you can never get rid off. These are the ones that are everywhere.

Yes, I say, it’s hot here. So they’re out. And when it is cooler, I will still see them. I promise you, I will. August is our winter here – and that’s when I saw them first.

Are they part of South Pacific living? Perhaps. But I didn’t see nearly this many (and I certainly didn’t have them in my coffee) our last stay here. Will you see them in hotels? Probably not. I hope not. But you might. They’re in stores, in beauty salons, in schools. They’re little, and they’re fast. And they’re there – there!